NoWireHangers81: lol you're a dork Dorian Gray 1884: hah, why?
NoWireHangers81: cuz I'm not a stud; but anyway, let's
not take that ride, cuz it'll only end in an argument, lol Dorian Gray 1884: haha....wow Dorian Gray 1884: fine Dorian Gray 1884: :'(
NoWireHangers81: oh don't be sad; I'm just saying let's
agree to disagree
NoWireHangers81: I'm glad you think so ;-)
NoWireHangers81: there, lol Dorian Gray 1884: haha Dorian Gray 1884: thanks :-P
NoWireHangers81: so what were you going to tell me? Dorian Gray 1884: so Dorian Gray 1884: el cheapo tries to take over the
situation of me going outside to smoke Dorian Gray 1884: he's like "everytime you go outside
to smoke, it turns the heater on" Dorian Gray 1884: i was like "well, fuck. if you weren't
so cheap you'd turn it up a bit more so it wouldn't be a
problem"
NoWireHangers81: lol
NoWireHangers81: what'd he say? Dorian Gray 1884: he shut up Dorian Gray 1884: and i went out for a smoke Dorian Gray 1884: hah
NoWireHangers81: lol Dorian Gray 1884: oi Dorian Gray 1884: i called my mother ignorant Dorian Gray 1884: because i was watching six feet
under in the living room Dorian Gray 1884: and i was like "it takes some sort of
intellect to understand this show" Dorian Gray 1884: because earlier she'd told me she
didn't understand what was going on Dorian Gray 1884: AFTER i explained all the
characters lives to her
NoWireHangers81: lol Dorian Gray 1884: yeah Dorian Gray 1884: she wasn't happy Dorian Gray 1884: she bitched at me a bit Dorian Gray 1884: and i was like 'ok...'
NoWireHangers81: you should have told her "the truth
hurts" Dorian Gray 1884: i know Dorian Gray 1884: but Dorian Gray 1884: eh Dorian Gray 1884: no strength to be that cruel yet Dorian Gray 1884: haha
NoWireHangers81: lol Dorian Gray 1884: i'm just scared come summer time
NoWireHangers81: why? Dorian Gray 1884: i don't want to move back here
NoWireHangers81: I thought you were staying with me? Dorian Gray 1884: well, yeah, but i still have my
reservations against that
NoWireHangers81: you'd be a guest
NoWireHangers81: if it'd make you feel better, I'd make
you sleep on the couch Dorian Gray 1884: as long as it has a pull out bed...
NoWireHangers81: lol picky aren't we? Dorian Gray 1884: just a bit
NoWireHangers81: don't look the gift horse in the
mouth Dorian Gray 1884: don't look at your boyfriend when
you're kissing someone else
NoWireHangers81: huh? Dorian Gray 1884: no idea Dorian Gray 1884: something i picked up from an old
hooker....oh yeah, lee Dorian Gray 1884: jk
NoWireHangers81: oook Dorian Gray 1884: haha Dorian Gray 1884: sorry Dorian Gray 1884: we have an inside joke Dorian Gray 1884: he's slept with everyone, but
hasn't...you know?
NoWireHangers81: ah Dorian Gray 1884: yeah Dorian Gray 1884: it's funny Dorian Gray 1884: to us... Dorian Gray 1884: like gentile jokes are only fun to me
and angelica Dorian Gray 1884: it works the same principal
NoWireHangers81: ah ok then
NoWireHangers81: anyway, if you don't want to stay
with me, surely you can find one of your friends that'll let
you stay with them Dorian Gray 1884: that's what i meant
NoWireHangers81: when? Dorian Gray 1884: rather Dorian Gray 1884: it's not what i meant Dorian Gray 1884: i meant...how would you feel more
comfortably in me being in your apt?
NoWireHangers81: how would I feel more comfortably?
that doesn't make sense Dorian Gray 1884: i want to know how you'd want me
in your home. I know i'm your boyfriend, but how would
you want me to be? Just natural boyfriend stuff like we've
moved in for a period? or as a guest?
NoWireHangers81: uhm, I'm really not too sure; it just
depends on how you'd feel more comfortable I guess. I
hadn't given it much thought since it's still a few months
away Dorian Gray 1884: true...and i thought about it earlier,
and that's what scared me, you know?
NoWireHangers81: what scared you? moving in? Dorian Gray 1884: yeah, i know i'd never move in to
such a thing so easily as before Dorian Gray 1884: it takes a lot of knowing a person,
and interacting more than a weekend or a few days a
week to see how that would happen. Dorian Gray 1884: i feel i screwed myself by going into
itjust so non-chalantly
NoWireHangers81: going into the relationship you
mean? Dorian Gray 1884: yes, and no Dorian Gray 1884: like Dorian Gray 1884: you tell me i'm annoying, yet you
don't think so Dorian Gray 1884: i need to see your clearer judgement
before i make mine
NoWireHangers81: yet I don't think so what? Dorian Gray 1884: you say i can annoy you Dorian Gray 1884: but you don't really think so
NoWireHangers81: hmm... okay Dorian Gray 1884: that's just one of the things that
clung to my mind when you were here Dorian Gray 1884: you called me annoying and it stuck
NoWireHangers81: I called you annoying yesterday? Dorian Gray 1884: well..sunday Dorian Gray 1884: at the restaurant
NoWireHangers81: so if I say I can annoy you, how do I
not really think so? that's confusing me Dorian Gray 1884: i'm not saying you're annoying me Dorian Gray 1884: you told me i was annoying to you Dorian Gray 1884: if i thought you were annoying, i'd
tell you so
NoWireHangers81: sorry; I mistyped
NoWireHangers81: if I say YOU can annoy ME; i just
re-read what I sent Dorian Gray 1884: ah Dorian Gray 1884: i'd just want to know why you feel
the way you do
NoWireHangers81: honestly, I really don't know... I
mean, we have completely differing personalities, so I
guess it's just that our personalities are sometimes different
to the point that I may find some of your idiosyncrasies
annoying when in all actuality they aren't; or shouldn't be
NoWireHangers81: sorry; I had to look up the proper
spelling of idiosyncrasies, lol Dorian Gray 1884: lol Dorian Gray 1884: but you knew coming into this
relationship with me that i'm rather idiosyncratic Dorian Gray 1884: i basically told you...."my ex's have
broken up with me because they think i'm crazy"
NoWireHangers81: knowing and experiencing are two
different things, darling; i'm sure you know that
NoWireHangers81: I "know" smoking causes cancer
NoWireHangers81: but I haven't experienced it... yet Dorian Gray 1884: same thing with dating me Dorian Gray 1884: fuck Dorian Gray 1884: dating me can be fatal to your health Dorian Gray 1884: i should get that tatooed on my arm
NoWireHangers81: lol, well, the surgeon general hasn't
told me that, so I don't believe it's fatal Dorian Gray 1884: i'm missing a T Dorian Gray 1884: i know Dorian Gray 1884: hah Dorian Gray 1884: you might as well know
NoWireHangers81: so what are you saying?
NoWireHangers81: bottom line it for me Dorian Gray 1884: i should go see the surgeon general Dorian Gray 1884: bottom line: i thought you knew
what you were getting into. if some of my idiosyncrasies
suck...i know they do. what you feel the need to do
about how you will react with them is your own business
NoWireHangers81: hmm... it sounds as if you're once
again preparing yourself for a breakup; is that what you're
doing? Dorian Gray 1884: wow. no. taking my simple
statement to make something bigger. i say big things, yet
mean for smaller things to happen Dorian Gray 1884: i don't want you to break up with
me Dorian Gray 1884: i'm just telling you Dorian Gray 1884: that what you do to deal with it....is
you're own thing Dorian Gray 1884: you knew who i was before you
dated me Dorian Gray 1884: i'll probably be around the same
person after Dorian Gray 1884: nerd, geek Dorian Gray 1884: call me what you want Dorian Gray 1884: i'll still have my passions for certain
things
NoWireHangers81: and I'm not saying that that's wrong;
and if I intimated therein, I didn't mean for it to sound that
way Dorian Gray 1884: oh sweetheart, why would you be
intimidated by scrawny silly little me?
NoWireHangers81: re-read
NoWireHangers81: not intimidated
NoWireHangers81: intimated
NoWireHangers81: hmm
NoWireHangers81: turns out that what I thought that
word meant, doesn't Dorian Gray 1884: lol Dorian Gray 1884: yeah, i was like
NoWireHangers81: what I meant was if I made it sound
that way Dorian Gray 1884: correct word choice is essential Dorian Gray 1884: :) Dorian Gray 1884: i was like...well... Dorian Gray 1884: you didn't tell me directly or a
group... Dorian Gray 1884: ok Dorian Gray 1884: point blank Dorian Gray 1884: i'm a nerd Dorian Gray 1884: a geek Dorian Gray 1884: TOTALLY in my mind Dorian Gray 1884: you have to be with me to map it Dorian Gray 1884: otherwise you're stuck in a corner Dorian Gray 1884: have you watched CSI:? Dorian Gray 1884: i'll give you clues Dorian Gray 1884: but you have to figure it out Dorian Gray 1884: and with most peopl Dorian Gray 1884: e+ Dorian Gray 1884: that gets frustrating Dorian Gray 1884: it's not my fault Dorian Gray 1884: it's just the way i live Dorian Gray 1884: brb, quick smoke time
NoWireHangers81: honestly, this is how I see it; we've
been dating going on 5 months; if you count all the days
we've actually been TOGETHER, it'd total maybe two or
three WEEKS at the most; long distance relationships are
tough because the distance essentially stunts the growth of
the relationship; therefore, it's taking longer to know,
recognize and learn to deal with your idiosyncrasies
NoWireHangers81: the most we've ever been together
is what? two DAYS?
NoWireHangers81: it's tough to really get to know
someone; granted, we talk plenty thanks to the advent of
IM's and txt messaging, but no amount of technology can
take the place of good ol' fashioned in person contact Dorian Gray 1884: that is ture Dorian Gray 1884: true*
NoWireHangers81: for some reason, maybe because
you're the altruist in this relationship, you've either learned
to accept my idiosyncrasies or ignore them; but for me, it's
taken a little longer; don't forget, this is also only my
second relationship, and the longest relationship i've been
in by two months; for many that's not a long time; for me,
it's unprecedented
NoWireHangers81: i have a case of arrested
development myself in the relationship field Dorian Gray 1884: i see Dorian Gray 1884: is that why you always pick on me?
NoWireHangers81: probably; to be honest, I've
wondered myself why I pick on you as much as I do and
believe me, I don't like that I do; maybe it's a case of
transferrence; maybe it's because i'm still juevnile when it
comes to knowing what it's like to be in a relationship; to be
honest, I really don't know Dorian Gray 1884: wow, and I see you a seasoned
veteran in the area Dorian Gray 1884: i think Dorian Gray 1884: "that's why he chose me"
NoWireHangers81: relationships and sex are NOT
synonymous Dorian Gray 1884: because i'm willing to commit no
matter what it takes Dorian Gray 1884: they are not Dorian Gray 1884: i want to be with you
NoWireHangers81: I've been around the block, yes; and
I've helped dozens of people with THEIR relationships
NoWireHangers81: but to be in one of my own; totally
different thing Dorian Gray 1884: it's not the sex first, it's being with
you that makes it all better Dorian Gray 1884: you are what makes this relationship
for me Dorian Gray 1884: being with you is all i want
NoWireHangers81: I know; and God love your
steadfastness Dorian Gray 1884: you don't bore Dorian Gray 1884: you fascinate me beyond anything
else Dorian Gray 1884: you're complex Dorian Gray 1884: just like I am, but in a different way
NoWireHangers81: how in the name of Buddha's
butthole do I fascinate you? Dorian Gray 1884: I try to be here for you, but i don't
know what ground to tread Dorian Gray 1884: you just do Dorian Gray 1884: no one has ever done that to me Dorian Gray 1884: you're different from how i am in
MANY different ways Dorian Gray 1884: but it all seems to parallel Dorian Gray 1884: look at it from the big picture Will Dorian Gray 1884: you can't succomb to being a small
window minder Dorian Gray 1884: then Dorian Gray 1884: is where you can't see the forest for
the trees Dorian Gray 1884: each tree Dorian Gray 1884: tells a story of the next Dorian Gray 1884: because it's probably their son or
daughter Dorian Gray 1884: you know?
NoWireHangers81: i'm not sure how that correlates to
our relationship
NoWireHangers81: God help me, I'm downloading
country music :-\ Dorian Gray 1884: we're different, and in a lot of ways
we're the same Dorian Gray 1884: is the calming correlation Dorian Gray 1884: i can sit back and look at the big
picture of us Dorian Gray 1884: and see the lines move Dorian Gray 1884: to where they are going or where
they should go and remedy that Dorian Gray 1884: fuck Dorian Gray 1884: you know wha Dorian Gray 1884: what* Dorian Gray 1884: you're right Dorian Gray 1884: i'm Russell Crowe in a beautiful
mind Dorian Gray 1884: commit me now
NoWireHangers81: LOL Dorian Gray 1884: i just see how things would linearly
respect Dorian Gray 1884: call it a blessing, a curse Dorian Gray 1884: or what have you Dorian Gray 1884: i can always draw up a conclusion
from two seperate minds and bring it to one Dorian Gray 1884: which Dorian Gray 1884: is why i think i'd be a great
criminologist Dorian Gray 1884: but that's another issue
NoWireHangers81: if I suddenly sign off, it's because
my computer blew up because it'd downloading country =-O
NoWireHangers81: =-O
NoWireHangers81: it's* Dorian Gray 1884: uh-huh
NoWireHangers81: what's with the uh-huh? Dorian Gray 1884: ok, so that's what might've
happend. it didn't here Dorian Gray 1884: so talk
NoWireHangers81: wow
NoWireHangers81: well, what do you want me to say? i
mean, really?
NoWireHangers81: what is the intended purpose of this
conversation? Dorian Gray 1884: there is no intention but to make you
think Dorian Gray 1884: i'm letting you know how i feel
about how you think about my idioscyracies Dorian Gray 1884: fuck Dorian Gray 1884: idiosyncracies Dorian Gray 1884: there we go...yes Dorian Gray 1884: i know we haven't been together
that long.. Dorian Gray 1884: or living together in any respect Dorian Gray 1884: i told you Dorian Gray 1884: i want us to be a forever thing Dorian Gray 1884: but Dorian Gray 1884: i suppose us living together in the
summer will tell Dorian Gray 1884: even though you'll be gone about a
month
NoWireHangers81: ? Dorian Gray 1884: in NYC
NoWireHangers81: oh Dorian Gray 1884: with you mom in Vegas Dorian Gray 1884: your*
NoWireHangers81: two weeks in June; and I'm not even
sure we're GOING to Vegas; and if we do, methinks it may
not be 'til August or something
NoWireHangers81: that's still in its VERY prelim
stages Dorian Gray 1884: just letting you know my stance of
thinking Dorian Gray 1884: i'm just prepared Dorian Gray 1884: now
NoWireHangers81: prepared for what? Dorian Gray 1884: scheduled Dorian Gray 1884: to have work and school included Dorian Gray 1884: everything
NoWireHangers81: yeah; and our schedules are going
to be such that we aren't going to have any more time
together with you in school than we did with you NOT in
school
NoWireHangers81: which I'm not complaining about
because it's vital that you're back in school Dorian Gray 1884: hey Dorian Gray 1884: you coming on wednesdays Dorian Gray 1884: that's good
NoWireHangers81: nevertheless, we both need to
realize that the growth of this relationship is going to
continue to be stunted and will be forevermore with us living
in separate cities
NoWireHangers81: yes, it is Dorian Gray 1884: i can go there or you can come here
the weekends Dorian Gray 1884: ok monty
NoWireHangers81: ? Dorian Gray 1884: we won't find out lest we live
together Dorian Gray 1884: for sure Dorian Gray 1884: i'm sorry i'm the longest relationship
you've been in. i thought you'd been in for longer
NoWireHangers81: me and my ex were together for 3.5
months exactly Dorian Gray 1884: and before that?
NoWireHangers81: he was my first Dorian Gray 1884: ah crap
NoWireHangers81: i'd told you that Dorian Gray 1884: yet again Dorian Gray 1884: ah crap Dorian Gray 1884: why don't i shoot myself and say
"hey, vultures....i'm dead, come pray on me" Dorian Gray 1884: no offence to you Dorian Gray 1884: but Dorian Gray 1884: i'm going out for a smoke break in a
bit
NoWireHangers81: uhm Dorian Gray 1884: why me?
NoWireHangers81: why are you making such a big deal
out of it? Dorian Gray 1884: i'm not Dorian Gray 1884: but
NoWireHangers81:
Dorian Gray 1884 (1:29:15 AM): why don't i shoot myself
and say "hey, vultures....i'm dead, come pray on me"
NoWireHangers81:
isn't that a bit... melodramatic? Dorian Gray 1884: it is Dorian Gray 1884: and i admit Dorian Gray 1884: it
NoWireHangers81: thus you're making a big deal out of
it Dorian Gray 1884: not quite Dorian Gray 1884: the series of relations Dorian Gray 1884: that does make a lot of matter Dorian Gray 1884: in this small mind
NoWireHangers81: ugh Dorian Gray 1884: i'm not being argumentative
NoWireHangers81: whatever "number" you are in my
"relationship list" is irrelevant Dorian Gray 1884: it is Dorian Gray 1884: irrelevant
NoWireHangers81: then why be melodramatic about it? Dorian Gray 1884: i'm not trying to Dorian Gray 1884: the thing is Dorian Gray 1884: wow Dorian Gray 1884: this is going to sound fucked up
beyond remorse Dorian Gray 1884: but... Dorian Gray 1884: why did you choose me? why was I
the next big thing? Dorian Gray 1884: that's the one thing i fail to
understand from you
NoWireHangers81: why does it matter? do I question
why it was me that you chose to be your boyfriend after the
abusive one you'd just gotten out of? n o
NoWireHangers81: no(
NoWireHangers81: grr
NoWireHangers81: no* Dorian Gray 1884: points granted. i'm just trying to
understand your mind
NoWireHangers81: it just felt right Dorian Gray 1884: it did, and it still does....at least to
me
NoWireHangers81: when we started dating, I wasn't
ready for a relationship, as far as mental health standards
go
NoWireHangers81: but being in the relationship I
believe has done more good for my state of mental health
than having stayed single, because it helped me see things
from a totally different perspective; one that I'd probably be
hard-pressed to have seen any other way Dorian Gray 1884: i see
NoWireHangers81: the reason I said that is because
that's yet another reason it's taken me longer than normal
to adapt to a relationship Dorian Gray 1884: so........not the distance Dorian Gray 1884: just more
NoWireHangers81: the distance as well Dorian Gray 1884: perspective
NoWireHangers81: it's a host of things; distance,
inexperience, perspective, uncertainty, confusion Dorian Gray 1884: for me it's the third and fifth
possibility
NoWireHangers81: so distance isn't a factor for you?
NoWireHangers81: even given the inherent difficulties
associated therewith? Dorian Gray 1884: the inherent difficiculties associated
therewith are useless Dorian Gray 1884: if there are difficulties Dorian Gray 1884: whether they be afar or
home-bound Dorian Gray 1884: they should be addressed Dorian Gray 1884: before they move on to be
transcounty aggressions
NoWireHangers81: the very distance IS the difficulty;
our relationship can't flourish at the rate that a normal
relationship should due to that very distance
NoWireHangers81: we can't spend time together every
night, save via a TCP/IP connection or digital airwaves on a
cell phone Dorian Gray 1884: someone's been looking at cisco Dorian Gray 1884: :) Dorian Gray 1884: point is Dorian Gray 1884: until we live together
NoWireHangers81: and no, not much can be done
about it; other than acknolwedging it and adjusting for the
different "rate of growth" Dorian Gray 1884: we cant't know if it's right? correct?
NoWireHangers81: I don't know
NoWireHangers81: IS that the only way to know if it's
right? Dorian Gray 1884: can you deal with picking on me on
the daily? i know i can't
NoWireHangers81: no; because I don't want to be the
"emotionally abusive boyfriend" Dorian Gray 1884: spare me the psych shit Dorian Gray 1884: please Dorian Gray 1884: would you, or wouldn't you?
NoWireHangers81: uhm, excuse you? Dorian Gray 1884: knowing yourself
NoWireHangers81: "psych shit" is part of who i am,
just as music is part of who you are Dorian Gray 1884: yeah Dorian Gray 1884: and.........
NoWireHangers81: and how dare you reduce my
passion to mere "shit" Dorian Gray 1884: ok Dorian Gray 1884: Willl Dorian Gray 1884: say "music shit" Dorian Gray 1884: if it makes you feel better Dorian Gray 1884: it's not a matter of "shit" Dorian Gray 1884: it's a matter of you and me
NoWireHangers81: that's not the point Dorian Gray 1884: right?
NoWireHangers81: yes, and you and me directly
includes psychological factors Dorian Gray 1884: what i'm asking of you
NoWireHangers81: nevertheless Dorian Gray 1884: ok
NoWireHangers81: read my IM Dorian Gray 1884: William
NoWireHangers81: what was my answer Dorian Gray 1884: you don't want to be the emotionally
abusive bf?
NoWireHangers81: before that; I DIRECTLY answered
your question
NoWireHangers81: what was it; it's in the same IM
NoWireHangers81: obviously you don't care to actually
READ my IM's; you just skim
NoWireHangers81: Paul: can you deal with picking on
me on the daily? i know I can't"
NoWireHangers81: Will: no;......" Dorian Gray 1884: thansk Dorian Gray 1884: thansk Dorian Gray 1884: ashs;fdsh;fkjsda Dorian Gray 1884: i know you can't Dorian Gray 1884: but then why do you?
NoWireHangers81: I already told you, I don't know
NoWireHangers81: again, you don't listen Dorian Gray 1884: yeah Dorian Gray 1884: i know that Dorian Gray 1884: YOU told me Dorian Gray 1884: you'd talked to your shrink about it
NoWireHangers81: yes, I did Dorian Gray 1884: i thought it might get better Dorian Gray 1884: but it only was...about the same
next time i saw you
NoWireHangers81: yeah; and believe me, I don't like it;
i know you don't deserve it
NoWireHangers81: maybe on some subconscious
level, it's because I don't want to be in the relationship;
MAYBE; i'm not saying for sure, because as I've said, I
DON'T KNOW why I do it Dorian Gray 1884: you know i've been hurt my whole
life... but WHY? Dorian Gray 1884: ok Dorian Gray 1884: do you need time? Dorian Gray 1884: i mean Dorian Gray 1884: if you don't feel we should be
together...what do you think will make it more concrete
for you? Dorian Gray 1884: that's all i've got
NoWireHangers81: I don't know, Paul
NoWireHangers81: I really don't
NoWireHangers81: and believe me, it kills me to NOT
know
NoWireHangers81: because you know me; I'm a control
freak; I have to know EVERYTHING, lol Dorian Gray 1884: yeah Dorian Gray 1884: so you basically have turned my
heart inside out Dorian Gray 1884: trying to find out how you really feel
about me
NoWireHangers81: :-\
NoWireHangers81: great
NoWireHangers81: as if I didn't feel shitty enough Dorian Gray 1884: no, i'm just telling you how that feels
from this end Dorian Gray 1884: you have good reason Dorian Gray 1884: i'm sorry Dorian Gray 1884: you may or not be ready for this Dorian Gray 1884: and you wonder why i'm am an
alcoholic? please....it's the world that has made me who i
am Dorian Gray 1884: not what i believe
NoWireHangers81: dont' blame the world for your
problems
NoWireHangers81: that's such a cop out Dorian Gray 1884: a cop out? Dorian Gray 1884: please
NoWireHangers81: Daddy was never there fro me
NoWireHangers81: for*
NoWireHangers81: Mommy hated fags Dorian Gray 1884: "i don't know what i want out of this
relationship" is a cop out Dorian Gray 1884: having to deal with my parnets Dorian Gray 1884: parents
NoWireHangers81: Daddy was a drug snorting fiend Dorian Gray 1884: on daily Dorian Gray 1884: for 20 some odd years Dorian Gray 1884: yeah Dorian Gray 1884: no excuse
NoWireHangers81: i could very easily blame my
environmental factors
NoWireHangers81: and be a loser
NoWireHangers81: but I didn't Dorian Gray 1884: dude Dorian Gray 1884: point blank Dorian Gray 1884: get your shit straight Dorian Gray 1884: then talk to me
NoWireHangers81: wow
NoWireHangers81: where the FUCK do you get off?
NoWireHangers81: you pompous little shit Dorian Gray 1884: i get off Dorian Gray 1884: on Dorian Gray 1884: i want a LTR Dorian Gray 1884: you're the one who is unsure Dorian Gray 1884: so Dorian Gray 1884: I CAN TELL YOU Dorian Gray 1884: that
NoWireHangers81: so you're breaking up with me? Dorian Gray 1884: i'm not willing to commit to
someone who is questioning Dorian Gray 1884: their commitment Dorian Gray 1884: i'm NOT breaking up with you Dorian Gray 1884: like YOU SAID Dorian Gray 1884: i'm not going to make my happiness
revolve around you Dorian Gray 1884: if you are not willing to be in this
relationship Dorian Gray 1884: why should i have to?
NoWireHangers81: wow; you finally grew a set Dorian Gray 1884: things bite you in the ass often
NoWireHangers81: good for ou
NoWireHangers81: you* Dorian Gray 1884: so you better watch what you say
NoWireHangers81: EXCUSE ME?
NoWireHangers81: watch what *I* say? Dorian Gray 1884: this isn't cheers in mahattan baby
NoWireHangers81: Cheers was set in Chicago Dorian Gray 1884: nope Dorian Gray 1884: in boston
NoWireHangers81: or Boston Dorian Gray 1884: look it up
NoWireHangers81: it was a mistake
NoWireHangers81: don't get fucking attitude Dorian Gray 1884: you're the one airing off to me Dorian Gray 1884: the only thing Dorian Gray 1884: i didn't want you to do to me Dorian Gray 1884: is be Dorian Gray 1884: mean Dorian Gray 1884: this is where the whole thing started
NoWireHangers81: fine; you know what? you're right;
this is all my fault
NoWireHangers81: I don't shun my responsibility
NoWireHangers81: I KNOW I dropped the ball with how
I've treated you Dorian Gray 1884: i don't shun mine iether
NoWireHangers81: i'm not saying you do Dorian Gray 1884: either*
NoWireHangers81: it's wrong that I am so mean to you;
I love you; it's a total contradiction, I know
NoWireHangers81: and I HATE it; I really don't know
why I treat you the way I do; maybe it's because I'm not
used to having someone who loves me as unconditionally
as you do
NoWireHangers81: I really don't know; but one thing I
DO know is you don't deserve it
NoWireHangers81: you deserve to be treated with as
much respect and reverence as you treat me
NoWireHangers81: and perhaps this is just fate's way
of telling me I'm not capable of doing that; for you or for
anyone
NoWireHangers81: I don't know Dorian Gray 1884: i just want you to do that..if you
can't
NoWireHangers81: yes, you've done some things in
this relationship that have been wrong Dorian Gray 1884: i'll understand Dorian Gray 1884: totally
NoWireHangers81: but that's NO reason for me to treat
you the way I do Dorian Gray 1884: have i ever yelled at you? Dorian Gray 1884: besides being drunk and calling you names? Dorian Gray 1884: you are the one that said to me
NoWireHangers81: when do I "yell" at you, other than times you're being irrational Dorian Gray 1884: "partners are to be the same on every level"
NoWireHangers81: or drunk Dorian Gray 1884: you pick on me Dorian Gray 1884: even when sober Dorian Gray 1884: and that's not being the same on every level Dorian Gray 1884: that is why we are partners
NoWireHangers81: you're right Dorian Gray 1884: you told me that Dorian Gray 1884: maybe, yes Dorian Gray 1884: you just aren't ready to deal with thsi Dorian Gray 1884: this* Dorian Gray 1884: us, as i'd have it Dorian Gray 1884: i'mma have a pee and smoke Dorian Gray 1884: brb
NoWireHangers81: I love you, Paul; despite everything, I hope you know that; yes, I know I don't act like it, but I really do; you've been so good to me and I know I don't deserve it. I don't WANT to treat
you bad, and I hope you believe that as well. But for me to say I'm NOT going to would not necessarily be true, because in order to "not" I have to know why I "do" in the first place, so that I can fix it; it's
not right, it's totally wrong and I take full responsibility for that and I'm prepared to deal with the consequences thereof
NoWireHangers81: you're right; all you've ever asked of me is for me not to treat you bad; and I couldn't even do that; and for that, I'll probably never forgive myself, especially since you've done
absolutely NOTHING to merit it. I love you, Paul, and I'm truly, truly sorry Dorian Gray 1884: you don't have to be sorry
NoWireHangers81: whhy don't I?
NoWireHangers81: it's WRONG
NoWireHangers81: it's abusive Dorian Gray 1884: just try remedy the problem Dorian Gray 1884: +to
NoWireHangers81: and it's something I never wanted do or become
NoWireHangers81: my dad beat my mom; and while I'm not saying that I'm DESTINED to be an abusive individual, the medical proof is there that it's genetic
NoWireHangers81: yes, I can deal with it now that I realize it
NoWireHangers81: but nevertheless
NoWireHangers81: it's not something I should make you suffer thorugh whilst I deal with it Dorian Gray 1884: i'm not trying to make you less of a human being
NoWireHangers81: i know you're not Dorian Gray 1884: i just want you to know what you want Dorian Gray 1884: i'm in this for the long run Dorian Gray 1884: but are you ready for it?
NoWireHangers81: I want to be Dorian Gray 1884: but you're unsure, right?
NoWireHangers81: right
NoWireHangers81: so I guess that seals our fate Dorian Gray 1884: nothing seals our fate Dorian Gray 1884: believe that
NoWireHangers81: you just said earlier if I'm not sure, then you don't want to be committed to someone who ISN'T sure Dorian Gray 1884: you can make the concious effort to change it
NoWireHangers81: thereby and therefore
NoWireHangers81: that seals our fate, correct? Dorian Gray 1884: i don't want it to be sealed....based in stone Dorian Gray 1884: i love you Dorian Gray 1884: so very dearly Dorian Gray 1884: and i know you do love me the same Dorian Gray 1884: i just don't want you to be Dorian Gray 1884: in a relationship you're not prepared for Dorian Gray 1884: for once, i'm taking a rational stance, can you believe that?
NoWireHangers81: yeah Dorian Gray 1884: it surprises the fuck out of me
NoWireHangers81: gee, thanks Dorian Gray 1884: but it is all i can think of Dorian Gray 1884: you've helped me regroup Dorian Gray 1884: but i want you to be more than taht Dorian Gray 1884: that( Dorian Gray 1884: fuck, you know what i mean
NoWireHangers81: lol, yeah
NoWireHangers81: so where does that leave us? Dorian Gray 1884: i'm still very willing to be with you Dorian Gray 1884: YOU Dorian Gray 1884: just have to find out where it leaves us
NoWireHangers81: you're willing to be with me, yet you've said that you're not willing to be with someone who doesn't want to commit; and since I don't KNOW if I want to commit, the default answer
would be "no, I'm not willing to commit" until such time as I realize I AM ready to commit and I think I've just made myself go cross-eyed
NoWireHangers81: you get what I mean, though right? cuz I've just gone and confused myself and now I think I need to be committed Dorian Gray 1884: lol Dorian Gray 1884: so the base answer is, where do you want us? Dorian Gray 1884: you know my stance Dorian Gray 1884: i just need yours
NoWireHangers81: I want to be sure, beyond a reasonable doubt, that this relationship is good and right for BOTH of us; because despite what you or anyone else may believe, I DO value your
well-being; the question that I need to answer within myself is, am *I* what's best for your well-being, in this long run that you make mention of? Dorian Gray 1884: correct Dorian Gray 1884: so Dorian Gray 1884: i'm not the right person to talk about it with
NoWireHangers81: i know Dorian Gray 1884: maybe you should look within yourself Dorian Gray 1884: and your shrink
NoWireHangers81: I plan on it Dorian Gray 1884: i feel it maybe not that i don't plan on seeing a shrink Dorian Gray 1884: but it's our own imperfections that make us human Dorian Gray 1884: not the perfect selves we make out to be
NoWireHangers81: so now you're NOT going to a shrink? Dorian Gray 1884: i'll still go
NoWireHangers81: yes, our imperfections are what make us who we are
NoWireHangers81: but there's a difference between imperfections and disorders
NoWireHangers81: disorders are detrimental; imperfections aren't Dorian Gray 1884: i know what's wrong with me. no one ever bothered to help. i understand that you're trying to help me. lest....if i had been treated correctly, then i wouldn't be in this jam, yea
or nay?
NoWireHangers81: perhaps yea perhaps nay; it's nature AND nurture that make us who we are; yes, a lot of your problems are brought on by your abusive family and subsequent abusive relationships
NoWireHangers81: but perhaps your argument of "imperfections make us who we are" is something you could challenge your would-be therapist with?
NoWireHangers81: it's something they're more trained to answer Dorian Gray 1884: my big thing is Dorian Gray 1884: and i've told you Dorian Gray 1884: pills Dorian Gray 1884: who make me Dorian Gray 1884: NOT be me Dorian Gray 1884: i need the part crazy to get some shit done Dorian Gray 1884: no pill is perfect Dorian Gray 1884: but i have to be able to function
NoWireHangers81: but there have been advancements in medical technology
NoWireHangers81: Zoloft wasn't right for you Dorian Gray 1884: nor was prozac
NoWireHangers81: maybe you'd benefit more with a mood stabilizer than an anti-depressant
NoWireHangers81: Zoloft and Prozac are harsh substances Dorian Gray 1884: klonopin was great
NoWireHangers81: it's not up to you or me what meds you go on; your doctor is WELL trained to be able to give you the proper treatment; and if you share with her your misgivings and WHY you have
them, i'm sure she'll be able to provide more medical insight than I could ever possibly give Dorian Gray 1884: i know that Dorian Gray 1884: but Dorian Gray 1884: what if she says i'm ok with dealing with who i am as i am now, without drugs?
NoWireHangers81: then we'd have to trust her EXPERT medical opinion
NoWireHangers81: perhaps all you need is talk therapy Dorian Gray 1884: maybe
NoWireHangers81: I don't know; and for either of us to assume what her diagnosis and course of treatment would be is ridiculous Dorian Gray 1884: you know...maybe all i really need is to have someone to talk to? Dorian Gray 1884: so Dorian Gray 1884: once i get back in it Dorian Gray 1884: we're both clueless Dorian Gray 1884: what i want you to do...is not think of me as a bottle of disorders
NoWireHangers81: I don't Dorian Gray 1884: i'm your boyfriend Dorian Gray 1884: and Dorian Gray 1884: until i'm completely rediagnosed Dorian Gray 1884: you can't think of me as anything more or less
NoWireHangers81: I've never thought of you as a "bottle of disorders"
NoWireHangers81: yes, I know you have problems; everyone does
NoWireHangers81: but
NoWireHangers81: until recently, you've been unwilling to deal or address those issues; but now you ARE willing; that changes a lot
NoWireHangers81: of things*
NoWireHangers81: nevertheless, I'm sorry if all I've done is made you feel like you're just a disorder(s)
NoWireHangers81: I've said it all along; people feel defined by their disorders, but it's not who they are; i've told you that
NoWireHangers81: so neither do I define YOU by whatever disorders you may or may not have Dorian Gray 1884: i feel you've taken that Dorian Gray 1884: as a definition to pick on me
NoWireHangers81: how so? Dorian Gray 1884: i've told you what i feel and how i feel about a lot of things Dorian Gray 1884: so Dorian Gray 1884: you turn around, do an analysis Dorian Gray 1884: and it's like
NoWireHangers81: I use it against you? Dorian Gray 1884: "how to make paul feel poorly about himself" Dorian Gray 1884: like...when we were talking about the whole Dorian Gray 1884: I'm adorable
NoWireHangers81: that's an interesting insight; one I had never thought about it Dorian Gray 1884: you can get hotter guys thing Dorian Gray 1884: you know Dorian Gray 1884: at dinner
NoWireHangers81: WHEN have I ever said I can get someone hotter? Dorian Gray 1884: that bothered me to bits Dorian Gray 1884: what were you implying that night at dinner? Dorian Gray 1884: you said Dorian Gray 1884: "look at me, i couldn't do better than you?"
NoWireHangers81: i said that??? Dorian Gray 1884: yes.... Dorian Gray 1884: if it hadn't bothered me to a degree Dorian Gray 1884: i wouldn't have remembered
NoWireHangers81: wow
NoWireHangers81: I don't know what to say; that was totally jerky of me to say; I'm sure I was kidding, but regardless, that's not something I should have ever said, even joking around Dorian Gray 1884: i know...and you know what I did? Dorian Gray 1884: i grinned and beared it Dorian Gray 1884: because i was HOPING you didn't mean it Dorian Gray 1884: if you did, you did Dorian Gray 1884: if you didn't, you didn't
NoWireHangers81: but why not stand up for yourself and say, "hey jerk off, that was really hurtful?" Dorian Gray 1884: i know you Dorian Gray 1884: i'm not about to cause a scene at a restaurant
NoWireHangers81: i think that's pretty much confirmed it
NoWireHangers81: I can't handle a relationship and I'm not someone anyone should be involved with romantically
NoWireHangers81: I'm not playing the martyr; I'm speaking the truth Dorian Gray 1884: what makes you say that? Dorian Gray 1884: sorry, i had to tuck my li'l sis back in Dorian Gray 1884: i woke her up
NoWireHangers81: look at what I said? and that's only a sampling of the host of other things I've said to you that have been hurtful and left scars that will probably not soon if ever heal Dorian Gray 1884: scars over scars is not my thing Dorian Gray 1884: i just want you to know how i feel Dorian Gray 1884: not to make you feel bad Dorian Gray 1884: my thing is to try to help you be who you are
NoWireHangers81: I know it's not your intention to make me feel bad; and you SHOULD telll me how you feel, and I'm glad you have Dorian Gray 1884: i know you're not the abusive boyfriend
NoWireHangers81: who I AM is a jerk
NoWireHangers81: break up with me
NoWireHangers81: do yourself a favor and break up with me Dorian Gray 1884: you know i'd be doing us a disservice if i were to break up with you
NoWireHangers81: how so?
NoWireHangers81: because you want so desperately for things to be anything BUT what they are? Dorian Gray 1884: we're helping each other realise who we really are
NoWireHangers81: just because you don't want it to be a duck doesn't change the fact that it is, in all reality, a duck Dorian Gray 1884: you kid me...
NoWireHangers81: LOOK at how I treat you, Paul Dorian Gray 1884: and look at how you get when you say i'm being "mouthy" Dorian Gray 1884: it's not right Dorian Gray 1884: yeah, i know Dorian Gray 1884: ok Dorian Gray 1884: so fine
NoWireHangers81: sure Jay used his fists because he had the mental wherewithal of the common household fly
NoWireHangers81: I use words
NoWireHangers81: it's the same thing; it's WRONG Dorian Gray 1884: and you think i choose not to fight you? Dorian Gray 1884: because, i really don't Dorian Gray 1884: i want you to be who I know you can be Dorian Gray 1884: you're not this bully Dorian Gray 1884: i know you're not Dorian Gray 1884: i see so much for you
NoWireHangers81: you can't love the "idea" of me
NoWireHangers81: and I you Dorian Gray 1884: ever wondered why i tell you 'if you can't be with me, be with someone else'?
NoWireHangers81: but you can't be who I think you should or could or would be
NoWireHangers81: and vice versa
NoWireHangers81: because you know I can't? Dorian Gray 1884: it's not Dorian Gray 1884: that Dorian Gray 1884: at all Dorian Gray 1884: if when you've reached self-acutalisation, you can be with me Dorian Gray 1884: do it Dorian Gray 1884: if not Dorian Gray 1884: then go be with someone else Dorian Gray 1884: i feel Dorian Gray 1884: i can help you acutalise yourself in a relationship Dorian Gray 1884: if you don't feel it's right for you, it's not Dorian Gray 1884: if you feel you're great with me, it's your choice Dorian Gray 1884: i want to help you Dorian Gray 1884: it's not costing me anything, i'm not charging you a dime Dorian Gray 1884: i love how we are Dorian Gray 1884: everything is an experiment in humanity
NoWireHangers81: how can you say you love how we are? that's a lie and you know it Dorian Gray 1884: you know Dorian Gray 1884: i wish you'd treat me better, yes
NoWireHangers81: because how we "are" -- moreover, how I am with you, is anything but peachy Dorian Gray 1884: but i can overlook it. i know that's NOT who you want to be Dorian Gray 1884: does that make sense?
NoWireHangers81: the latter part is; but you know you can't overlook it
NoWireHangers81: actually, you SHOULDN'T overlook it
NoWireHangers81: you shouldn't deal with it, you shouldn't accept it, you shouldn't put up with it
NoWireHangers81: because you can do better
NoWireHangers81: I knew you could do better from the day I met you
NoWireHangers81: but I knew you didn't believe that Dorian Gray 1884: better than you? on what planet? Dorian Gray 1884: seriously Dorian Gray 1884: i can do better, but with whom Dorian Gray 1884: he who you think of Dorian Gray 1884: doesn't exist in our reality
NoWireHangers81: that's a lie Dorian Gray 1884: i'm better off with the Doctor Dorian Gray 1884: you know what i mean? Dorian Gray 1884: it's fiction
NoWireHangers81: you could find someone who treats you better, shares your passions Dorian Gray 1884: all of whom you'd think i'd be with is ficiton
NoWireHangers81: I do neither Dorian Gray 1884: fiction*
NoWireHangers81: in your mind, perhaps
NoWireHangers81: but from anyone else's POV, it's not
NoWireHangers81: it doesn't HAVE TO be fiction; you just don't want to believe that you could find someone better than me with whom you could be happy
NoWireHangers81: which is foolish of you Dorian Gray 1884: you're the best i've ever found
NoWireHangers81: because you've been looking in all the wrong places
NoWireHangers81: i'm sure that had you been single and not with Jay when you were at UNM, you could have found some cute little music major that was genuinely sweet and genuinely cared about
you
NoWireHangers81: and you could have been happy with him Dorian Gray 1884: that's just an assumption Dorian Gray 1884: even ther had been Dorian Gray 1884: with my presumptuous personality Dorian Gray 1884: who would've cared? Dorian Gray 1884: brb Dorian Gray 1884: back
NoWireHangers81: ok Dorian Gray 1884: but do you know what i'm trying to get across? Dorian Gray 1884: lots of guys p2p'd me that night Dorian Gray 1884: you were the only one who cared
NoWireHangers81: so because I was the only one late on a Friday night at an otherwise tawdry chat room ONLINE that cared, you assume I'm the ONLY one in the free world that would? Dorian Gray 1884: not at all Dorian Gray 1884: but i fell in love with you Dorian Gray 1884: who you are Dorian Gray 1884: what you cause in me Dorian Gray 1884: what emotions i feel Dorian Gray 1884: it's not because i needed to get laid
NoWireHangers81: you needed a savior Dorian Gray 1884: it's because you cause this flux in me
NoWireHangers81: do you think that perhaps THAT'S why you fell in love with me? Dorian Gray 1884: if i needed a saviour, i'd go to the synagogue
NoWireHangers81: I thought y'all's savior hasn't arrived yet?
NoWireHangers81: unless it's you ;-)
NoWireHangers81: in which case, you have yourself
NoWireHangers81: ew; I just used "y'all" in a sentence Dorian Gray 1884: and seriously Dorian Gray 1884: sometimes angelica and i have thought that Dorian Gray 1884: i'm too nice
NoWireHangers81: pardon me whilst I pour hot grease on myself Dorian Gray 1884: i'm too supportive Dorian Gray 1884: i'm too unrelentless to let go Dorian Gray 1884: i forgive
NoWireHangers81: true
NoWireHangers81: true Dorian Gray 1884: without question
NoWireHangers81: true
NoWireHangers81: and true
NoWireHangers81: but you like dick; i don't think the Jews had a gay savior in mind :-P Dorian Gray 1884: but Dorian Gray 1884: BUT Dorian Gray 1884: you know i hate humanity for what it is now
NoWireHangers81: true Dorian Gray 1884: i know people can be better Dorian Gray 1884: i'm not calling myself a messiah Dorian Gray 1884: i just forgive because people don't know what's better for them Dorian Gray 1884: i have enough knowledge that i can attest to that Dorian Gray 1884: i know little enough to know that i can't attest for anything Dorian Gray 1884: i don't know why i forgive people Dorian Gray 1884: even those who have wronged me Dorian Gray 1884: i don't get it Dorian Gray 1884: i just know that no one is perfect Dorian Gray 1884: nor am I Dorian Gray 1884: i feel people should be given chances Dorian Gray 1884: but Dorian Gray 1884: only as much intention as potential as they emit Dorian Gray 1884: so, if you hurt me, it is incorrect of me to not tell you what you're doing
NoWireHangers81: i agree Dorian Gray 1884: but it is better to save it to safer place, where it can be discussed
NoWireHangers81: I'm sorry I said I could get a hotter guy than you; that was wrong of me to say, I KNOW I didn't mean it, and I should never have said it even though I was joking Dorian Gray 1884: that's not the fact of the matter Dorian Gray 1884: what IS Dorian Gray 1884: is that you don't think you should be in this relationship Dorian Gray 1884: and i think you're fine just where you are Dorian Gray 1884: personal fallacy, yes Dorian Gray 1884: but carry it through, and life is prosperous and meaningful Dorian Gray 1884: if not with me Dorian Gray 1884: then someone else Dorian Gray 1884: we must all realise what is right and wrong with us, i know better than i let on Dorian Gray 1884: i just want to be me, without doctors or pills or judgement Dorian Gray 1884: yes, it may help... i could use the breathing room, but would that make me more or less myself?
NoWireHangers81: I don't want to have that conversation again
NoWireHangers81: so I"m going to treat that as a rhetorical question Dorian Gray 1884: ok Dorian Gray 1884: perfect
NoWireHangers81: ? Dorian Gray 1884: because you're not a trained professional to deal with a question like that Dorian Gray 1884: the question at hand is how do you feel about everything else i've told you
NoWireHangers81: completely baffled
NoWireHangers81: I'm more confused now than I was back when our relationship was on shaky ground a while back Dorian Gray 1884: wow
NoWireHangers81: I feel...
NoWireHangers81: helpless
NoWireHangers81: depressed
NoWireHangers81: angry at myself
NoWireHangers81: suicidal
NoWireHangers81: confused Dorian Gray 1884: why do you feel helpless, depressed, angry at yourself, and suicidal? Dorian Gray 1884: i don't want you to feel taht Dorian Gray 1884: that* Dorian Gray 1884: i'm only emminating love
NoWireHangers81: it doesn't matter what you do or don't want me to feel
NoWireHangers81: I know you are
NoWireHangers81: this is about ME, darling
NoWireHangers81: all me
NoWireHangers81: I know you love me Dorian Gray 1884: as you want me to question myself for a better person Dorian Gray 1884: i want you to question this Dorian Gray 1884: our relationship Dorian Gray 1884: i know i've fucked up BADLY Dorian Gray 1884: but do you feel you're ready for the long term?
NoWireHangers81: I told you
NoWireHangers81: I want to be
NoWireHangers81: to demand a definitive answer right now would be unfair Dorian Gray 1884: i'm not Dorian Gray 1884: it's rhetorical
NoWireHangers81: ok Dorian Gray 1884: find the answer in yourself
NoWireHangers81: As fucked as things are right now
NoWireHangers81: I just wish I could be next to you tonight Dorian Gray 1884: i don't feel anything is fucked right now Dorian Gray 1884: in your mind, it maybe Dorian Gray 1884: the world is still spinning
NoWireHangers81: of course you don't; it's not you who has to deal with this Dorian Gray 1884: it will be dawn whenever
NoWireHangers81: you've left it all up to me
NoWireHangers81: to think
NoWireHangers81: to ponder Dorian Gray 1884: i want to be next to you as well Dorian Gray 1884: well, i've spilled my guts Dorian Gray 1884: last thing i have is to get the scalpel to show you
NoWireHangers81: and if I realize I can't be in a long term relationship not because I don't WANT to, but because I don't know if I CAN, then I know we cannot be Dorian Gray 1884: why can't we be when you realise you can?
NoWireHangers81: no; re-read it Dorian Gray 1884: yes, i read it
NoWireHangers81: I don't know if i CAN be in a relationship Dorian Gray 1884: and re-read it and re-re-read it Dorian Gray 1884: i'm skipping that Dorian Gray 1884: and taking a chance on if you can't at this point in time Dorian Gray 1884: why can't you be when you realise you can?
NoWireHangers81: because I realize i'm not worth the chance Dorian Gray 1884: you know that once i graduate, if i haven't found "mr right"...i'm still hoping it's you Dorian Gray 1884: my life will be nothing but my career
NoWireHangers81: you'll have friends
NoWireHangers81: colleagues
NoWireHangers81: and you WILL find Mr. Right Dorian Gray 1884: not if i don't let him in
NoWireHangers81: why would you deprive yourself of love? Dorian Gray 1884: you know you're right for me, don't fight it Dorian Gray 1884: the power of will...i can deprive myself of anything if i wanted to
NoWireHangers81: i need to sleep; my head is spinning Dorian Gray 1884: i'm sorry love Dorian Gray 1884: i didn't mean to be so confusing
NoWireHangers81: it's not your fault Dorian Gray 1884: but as fast as i struck this on you, is not as fast as i was thinking it Dorian Gray 1884: you know neural pulsations Dorian Gray 1884: yeah Dorian Gray 1884: about that fast for me Dorian Gray 1884: so...your head is spinning...just think about it Dorian Gray 1884: i do love you, so very very very times infinity much Dorian Gray 1884: get the rest you deserve
NoWireHangers81: I deserve nothing but what I've made for myself
NoWireHangers81: I love you, Paul
NoWireHangers81: <3333333333333333333333333333 Dorian Gray 1884: <333333333333333333333333333 Dorian Gray 1884: text me tomorrow?
NoWireHangers81: good night, darling
NoWireHangers81: assuming I decide to wake up
NoWireHangers81: i will Dorian Gray 1884: night love, you deserve the sleep Dorian Gray 1884: ok :) Dorian Gray 1884: <333333
NoWireHangers81: <33
NoWireHangers81: bye Dorian Gray 1884: bye
NoWireHangers81: wait Dorian Gray 1884: ?
NoWireHangers81: did you feel what I felt when we said bye/ Dorian Gray 1884: life changing?
NoWireHangers81: yeah Dorian Gray 1884: definitely Dorian Gray 1884: it tugs at my heart
NoWireHangers81: like, things aren't ever going to be the same Dorian Gray 1884: like a thousand elephants Dorian Gray 1884: they'll only be as normal as we want them to be
NoWireHangers81: i just don't know if this "life changing" feeling I felt was good or bad Dorian Gray 1884: you can never know, till it changes Dorian Gray 1884: wow, I feel like Yoda Dorian Gray 1884: hah Dorian Gray 1884: i think i've hit my true virgo self Dorian Gray 1884: yoda HAS to have been a virgo Dorian Gray 1884: with all his insight
NoWireHangers81: lol Dorian Gray 1884: ok Dorian Gray 1884: so really Dorian Gray 1884: with that bye, did you feel like you were saying good bye to me forever?
NoWireHangers81: yeah Dorian Gray 1884: yeah, so did I Dorian Gray 1884: maybe it's not the end Dorian Gray 1884: it could very well be a new, more fertile beginning
NoWireHangers81: lets hope so Dorian Gray 1884: i always hope :)
NoWireHangers81: i'm gonna go cry myself to sleep now
NoWireHangers81: i love you :-* Dorian Gray 1884: don't cry love Dorian Gray 1884: I love you, too :-*
NoWireHangers81: night Dorian Gray 1884: night
NoWireHangers81 signed off at 3:53:39 AM.
NoWireHangers81: lol you're a dork